There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
