but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
