I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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