my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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