this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
