i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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