if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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