Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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