I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I need to align my fucking chakras
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now Iām laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
