She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
