whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
