he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I skipped work to stalk him.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
