Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
and she was petting her beer can
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
