Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
