just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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