I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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