It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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