Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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