so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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