My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Your dad touched me again.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Randomize
