I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My breasts were aching with rage.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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