he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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