I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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