Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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