he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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