my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
