If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
