oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
