Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand Curling. That high.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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