i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
