you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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