You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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