I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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