i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
