So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
