He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
