We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
