this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
