we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
