i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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