oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
