I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize