think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
