Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
found the other keg... it's in the tree
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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