she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
