what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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