Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Randomize
