He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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