i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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