first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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