he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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