He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?