I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.