so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people