I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.