I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
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Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
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And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.