Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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