I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
