omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
