MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
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i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
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I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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