your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
