no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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