It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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