6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
