i think i have two assholes
if only i could text you this smell
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
