My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
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Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
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SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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