He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I wish there were birth control emojis
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Randomize
