Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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