take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
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Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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