My room smells like vodka and shame
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
