Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just want to make out with him forever
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
