when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
should my penis look like a turkey
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
