so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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