wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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