So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
