White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
