Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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