can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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