he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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